My room smells like vodka and shame
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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