Dual....:-)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
