It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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