if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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