He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
