Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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