he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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