I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
