i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
