the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude. I can hear the air.
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