Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
