dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
