We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
