Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
