Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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