At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
