you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
