I wish my penis had an off switch
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
