Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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