I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
