worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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