operation harelip BJ is a go
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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