shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
