Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
