I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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