And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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