So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
