In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
