I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
