We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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