I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
