so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
