peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
