So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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