you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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