im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
