Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
