There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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