I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
