Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
