are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
