I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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