i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize