I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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