Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
