ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
