I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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