so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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