I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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