I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
